First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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