I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize