I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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