You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
