My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
