You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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