That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
