I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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