Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
