I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
pray to the hookup gods
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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