She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
