Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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