i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want nice things and good sex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
