Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I didn't notice because vodka
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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