Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can I color on your dick again?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
