just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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