HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
