If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
