I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
