Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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