Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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