Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I love you. Go after that dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
