Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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