a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
