While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
