Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
