Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
