I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
