When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
