Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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