Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
