420 ftw
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
