oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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