Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
