ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
