just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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