Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
