I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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