It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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