Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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