last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
