fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
