One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
