bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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