32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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