he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
