NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
