Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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