She announced her abortion via fbk
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
