Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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