im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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