Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
