Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I looked at my own cervix.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
