So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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