i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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