i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
