Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
