you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
