oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
