so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
