i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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