every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
