somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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