Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
