smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
