just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
