Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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