i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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