I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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