i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
