the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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