in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
as a side note pls kill me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize