i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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