if you like me you must not know who I am
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
