I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
