i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
