hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
